I pride myself on my solid grounded approach to get done that which I’ve decided to get done, but I also have an ability to see when it’s time to let go too.
The real kicker is how often my perseverance can become stubborn and override my common sense or grounded perspective…me? Stubborn? Never!
This year has definitely been a year of perseverance, but also a big year of scraping everything back, taking an honest look at stuff and getting back to the basics.
Sticking to plans regardless of whether they are working out or not is a hard one for me. I have an inner shadow that cannot abide failure and its genuinely really painful when I hold on to things for too long in the hope that if I just try hard enough, it’ll all come good.
And it doesn’t matter how much self development you’ve done, or healing- we all have certain things we struggle with. The beauty in the work is being able to see them sooner and reduce the suffering you are causing yourself.
Perseverance is only as helpful and good as the intention behind it and if the intent comes from fear based processes you are likely to struggle more. (which is totally normal btw!)
For example as I’ve mentioned before, I knew in my heart that I was struggling to continue my business before covid, but the idea of announcing I was closing was what prevented me from doing it sooner and so I persevered. And not in the good way.
It was knowing so many people would have opinions and thoughts on it. Knowing some would be quietly pleased with what they perceived as my failure. Worse, knowing some would feel sorry for me…of course in truth I dont necessarily give a fuck what those people think- they’re not my people. But we feel it deeply all the same.
I feel a little deflated thinking of how I expected to be journaling these last 2 days. I imagine I would have been talking about how the year has been tough, but I was tougher. How my business has survived with my perseverance and strength, what a celebration it is to still be here given what 2020 has thrown at us!
But as I sit here writing this at 11.40pm on new years eve, in the midst of my second Covid-19 infection of 2020 I instead am celebrating a different kind of perseverance.
The ability to get done what needs to be done.
The ability to accept, surrender and embrace to needs to be.
The ability to recognise and take action towards what is best for me and mine.
And the sheer balls to stick 2 fingers up to those who would be glad to see me down and instead celebrate all I have achieved, all those I have helped and all those I continue to help by simply being me.
The need to push on through regardless has been healed this year and replaced with a beautiful trust in myself to choose what’s right for me and an inner wisdom to know when to go, when to stop and when to sit the fuck down and enjoy the ride.
And so, in a year where many would think it weird that I be so self celebratory, I say cheers to me for putting down that which needed putting down before it destroyed more than a fractured ankle.
May your troubles be less,
Your blessing be more,
And nothing but happiness,
Come through your door.
All my love and blessings for the year ahead