Yuletide- Honour

For the past several years its been an honour to serve the community with my work, my heart and my soul. To see the changes that have happened in peoples lives has been a genuine privilege and my word this year has been just as important, if not more so!

But there is something else that I’ve been unknowingly teaching that I didnt realise had such a profound impact.

It wasn’t the workshops, live classes, daily prompts or worksheets.

It was the simple act of taking you all along on my own journey. Allowing you to see all the ups and downs, the pain and joy.

It was in being me and sharing that. Honouring myself in every process, whether that was difficult to watch or not. Sharing the humanness of it all.

That, I hadn’t realised is what we actually hold in the highest regard. Someone’s ability to authentically communicate the journey itself, rather than focusing on the destination.

Because its in honouring the arduous journey that we allow others to accept themselves, to know they arent alone, to appreciate their ups and downs and to know they will rise up again from the ashes.

When I had to choose to close Dare To Be, I could have simply said the economics of Covid-19 was too much for my business to bear and that would have been okay, everyone would have understood.

But it wouldn’t have been true and because I honour my journey so deeply it felt only right to share all the reasons that it was right for me, just as I did when I took a break from the business at the beginning of lockdown. Just as I did when I shared my concerns about continuing my work when my husband found his new job.

I’ve always been told that I share too much of myself. But actually, this year has taught me that if sharing the ugly details of the reality of lifes ups and downs, means just one person doesn’t feel alone? Its always worth it.

And maybe, its in the sharing that I’ve been teaching all along. Teaching to honour self and all the messy imperfect humanness that comes with it.

2020 has taught me to respect myself and my needs above all things. To be selfish and then to see where that puts me.

No matter how much we preach about self care, the idea of putting yourself first is still filled with shame and guilt and anxiety isn’t it? As if to not half kill yourself for others means you are a bad person.

But actually where practicing this put me was into a recognition that I am a good person. A kind and giving person. A strong, resilient, courageous person who will do anything for anyone. But heres the important part, not at detriment to myself.

Because it all starts with me. I must honour myself first. Care for myself first. Ensure I am okay first. Because in doing so, I can better care for all those I love.

Honouring me, meant closing my business and saying goodbye to a way of life that has existed within and around my family and I for years.

And we are all the better for it.

I have time for me, so I have time to honour the most important people- my children.

I have time for me and time for my husband. I no longer resent his long hours taking away from the hours of work I have ahead of me.

Turns out, honour this year hasn’t been about keeping promises or deadlines or work- its been about letting it all go instead and as we move into 2021, I know the kind of honour and respect I want to see more of.

More honouring of my time and energy so that I can keep being the awesome, amazing, messy, human being I deserve to be.

And this doesn’t mean only caring about myself and fuck everyone else. Its precisely because I care for others so deeply that I MUST care for myself.

My heart honours your hearts my friends.

Happy Christmas eve and may the universe shone upon you and hold you safe this Christmas and Yule.

I’ll be back in a few days with more of my yule virtues, after Christmas

All my love

Nici

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